Which is it…Physical Therapy or Physical Torture?

image-the-difference-between-a-physical-therapist-and-a-terroirst-i-hear-you-can-reason-with-a-terroirst
Image- The difference between a physical therapist and a terrorist?? I hear you can reason with a terrorist.

 

***The purpose of this post is to give light and exposure to what physical therapy is like for those of us with IC and PFD. This is not in any way meant to discourage anyone from going to PT. PT is extremely beneficial in healing those of us with IC/PFD. I would not stop going to PT for anything because it truly helps me. And the comparison that physical therapy is like physical torture is tongue in cheek. *** 

Every Monday I go to physical therapy (PT) for my Pelvic Floor Dysfunction (PFD) and Interstitial Cystitis (IC). My pelvic floor truly is dysfunctional so it needs it. My PT is not just focusing on the pelvic floor, it focuses on many parts of my body…thighs, abs and back. All of these body parts hurt because of my IC and PFD. 

What makes my pelvic floor so dysfunctional… my muscles tighten up so much that I can’t pee. I am physically unable to pee. I sit down to pee because I need to pee (often due to my IC). And I just sit there. At it’s worst, I’ve sat on the toilet as long as 15 minutes trying to relax enough to just be able to pee. It’s excruciatingly painful in a way that is hard to explain. The more stressed out I get the worse the issue becomes. This applies to my entire body. My whole body seems to want to protect my bladder… so it tightens up to do so and then forgets to release. So I am just walking around all the time in pain because all my muscles in my body are so tight. But PT does help with that. 

And at this time my PT is indefinite…as in there is no timeframe in which I will be going. Usually, people go to PT and they are told this will take 4-6 week or something like that. But in my case, and others like me, who knows how long it will last. I have been going since mid-December 2016 and there is no end date in sight at this time. 

My physical therapist, Jen, is great. She is very understanding and patient. She exudes empathy and always makes sure that I am okay. That being said, I’m pretty sure PT is actually physical torture in disguise.

People wonder and often ask me about how one does PT on the Pelvic Floor Muscles (PFM). Their first question is usually something like you do kegels right? The answer is definitely not. Kegels are the opposite of what we want to do. Although there might be a time and place for them in PT, now is not that time.

Pelvic floor muscles are inside of us, so needless to say, a lot of the work in PT is done internally. Not every physical therapist is trained to do this. This is a specialty that can be difficult to find and often insurance doesn’t cover it. Not every Joe Schmo physical therapist is qualified to do this job and if they say they are…run far far away. We need proof of that…because these are our personal bits. My lady bits are not to be trifled with by someone who wasn’t properly trained to trifle with them.

And yes… it hurts. A lot. There was one moment that I can recall so vividly when my physical therapist was putting pressure on a trigger point inside of my on a pelvic floor muscle and it hurt so badly I almost threw up. It’s not like that every time, but it’s always painful…just like PT tends to be. 

Generally, after PT, I leave in excruciating pain…I can barely walk for a few days up to a week after. I tend to flare up for a least a couple of days afterward too. But I always remind myself that it will help my pain in the long run. And I have seen improvements since I have been going…it usually one step forward and two steps back. And I also remind myself that I have to get worse before I get better. The pain that is caused during PT is temporary and over time will benefit my body immensely. 

I also have at home PT exercises to do. I have a walking program which is “simple” enough …where I have to purposefully walk to improve my walking daily because I struggle to walk any distance these days. 

And recently she added the bridge and clam shell exercises. The bridge is when you lay on your back with knees bent and lift your body up while your hands are pressed on the ground. The clam shell, or clam jam as I prefer to call it, is where you lay on your side with your legs bent with one leg on top of the other and lift the top leg up which gives the look of a clam opening. The clam jam is one that I struggle with the most right now because I am very tight in the hip and thigh area.

There used to be a time when I did yoga daily and I was so ridiculously flexible…it wasn’t even that long ago. It’s like out of now where I am no long able to do yoga like I used to. I can barely do a clam jam, let alone walk a given distance.

My last home exercise uses a tool called a Therawand, pictured below.

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Image- Therawand, a long 8 inch curved PT tool, similar to a dildo or G-spot stimulator, on a white board. Arrow point to tapered end says “tapered end for insertion/thinner diameter” Arrow pointing to opposite end “use as handle or insert”

As you can see it looks like a dildo or G-spot stimulator, but I promise you that there is no stimulating going on when the Therawand is in use…TMI? Too bad. This whole blog is TMI in a way. I want people to understand what people with PFD/IC and other similar chronic illnesses go through and the only way to do that is to share my story.

The Therawand is used to press on trigger points to relieve tensed muscles which is the same thing my physical therapist does when I go see her. The difference is I have control over this and since I am at home I tend to be in a more relaxed setting…so in theory,  it should hurt less. Although it usually doesn’t hurt less.

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Image- Bottle of lube called Aloe Cadabra Natural Aloe

The Therawand does not get used alone, that would hurt way too much… more than it already does. Lubrication is required. And because I am very sensitive I am very careful about the lube I use. For this, I chose Aloe Cadabra which is a natural and organic aloe lubrication. I just use the regular “unflavored” kind but they do have different flavors or scents.

PT is a special kind of hell that has the ability to hurt so good and just plain freaking hurt until the point of wanting to vomit. But if you’ve ever had PT then you know that it takes awhile to see the progress and pelvic floor therapy is no different.

After my hellish week last week, I went to PT this past Monday and told Jen about said hellish week. And she was like wow okay that is rough. So we did minimal internal work because of that darn speculum from when I was at the gynecologist, which really did a number on me that flared me up something fierce. She decided to work on my head some after that because I told her about my allergic reaction monster migraine from hell.

She squished my head on both sides and it was oddly relieving. And then she squished my head on my forehead and the back of my head…and again…oddly relieving. She did all kinds of PT things that involved pressing on my jaw, head, and neck. And while it hurt it also felt good like it was relieving something. My entire head had been tensed up and had all kinds of trigger points from that monster migraine. And she did PT things that left me feeling very weird and but also reduce the tension in my head as well…which was good.

So what am I getting at? Well… that’s hard to say but I think my point is that PT sucks. And I genuinely just want people to know and understand what goes on during PT for IC/PFD…because it’s not all kegels and dildos. It’s personal, private and even embarrassing for many people to talk about. 

It is not fun. And I’ve seen people talking in the IC support groups, saying stuff like their partners don’t understand why they go to PT or what they do in PT. Or even that their partner accused them of going to PT to “just get off”…which is not only mean and just a jack ass thing to say…but it’s also categorically false. There is nothing fun about pelvic floor therapy. It’s painful and can be traumatic.

PT isn’t for everyone but for those of us who need it…it helps tremendously. Having a chronic illness is never easy. And putting ourselves knowingly and willingly in more pain each week never feels good…but we do what we must and we just tough it out with the hope that one day we will find the relief that we have long been seeking. 

 

rules-of-physical-therapy
Image- Rules of Physical therapy Never say you can’t…because you’ll do it anyways -Never say “it’s easy” because we’ll just make it hard -Never say I want to go home, because you’ll just stay longer -Never lose count because you’ll start at one again -Never complain because we never listen -Never argue because you’ll never win -Never scream or cry because it only encourages us -Never look like you’re enjoying it because we’ll put a stop to it -Never hold your breath because if you pass out we have to fill out paperwork -Never lie or cheat because we know the truth and you’ll live to regret it.
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Thanks, Bronchitis

I woke up recently with a sore throat. And I know what that means… I’m getting sick. Getting sick when you are already sick is the worst.  For me it goes something like this:

  1. sore throat
  2. stuffy nose
  3. post nasal drip
  4. cough
  5. drainage into lungs
  6. bronchitis
  7. lung spasms
  8. misery
  9. bladder pain
  10. more bladder pains
  11. …deathhhh

This has been the pattern my entire life due to the fact that I have chronic bronchitis. I can also get bronchitis from people, but I have never given it to anybody…it’s really jacked up.

When I get bronchitis my medicine bag fills up with… 2-3 inhalers (to be fair I always carry at least 1-2 inhalers with me for my asthma anyways, but when I have bronchitis my doctor might add on a third depending on how bad it is), antibiotics, steroids, cough syrup with codeine (to stop my lungs from spasming and aching), and non-Rx meds as well…like cough drops, Mucinex and ibuprofen. It really is just so much fun. This is an annual thing for me, no less than 1-2 times per year.

Last winter I had bronchitis, and of course, I had a terrible IC flare up when I caught a stomach virus from Aaron’s son, Reid. He had the bug for maybe a day or two and he was fine, but he was five years old at the time and much better off – healthwise. Whereas I was already sick and my health was extremely compromised. I just remember laying in bed unable to move… my bladder was on fire and flaring up, my stomach was hurting so badly because I needed to throw-up and my lungs were spasming and aching too. It was just a huge hot mess. It was an unfortunate experience that I never want to experience again. 

Bronchitis impacts my IC because I have to take so many medications that inevitably one, some or all of them hurt my bladder in some way, shape or form. -Rachel Bob

When a person with chronic illness(es) gets sick on top of their chronic illness it puts their health in dire straights. It’s much harder for us to bounce back to our normal homeostasis due to our compromised immune systems. So a person without a chronic illness might get the same cold as me…miss a day of work or school, sleep 10 hours and wake up feeling better. I miss those days.

I sleep 10 hours and wake up feeling even worse because my body can’t fight off the cold and then my body immediately turns it into bronchitis. Every. Freaking. Time. I can’t remember the last time I got a cold and it was just a cold. Because for me a cold = bronchitis.

Because of my chronic illnesses and my diet, I am very limited on what I can take when I am sick with a cold and/or bronchitis. Cough drops, like Halls, which before I was diagnosed with IC I used to buy by the pound when I had bronchitis….they hurt me now. They have ingredients in them that actually hurt my bladder and make it burn something fierce when I pee…but they effectively stop my coughing. 

While I have been able to find herbal cough drops that help, the issue ends up being that when my bronchitis is at its very worst, herbal cough drops don’t suppress my worst most productive phlegmy cough…only Halls do the job. I have tried so many different things as a chronic bronchitis veteran… So then I have to decide…what’s more important, my bladder or my lungs? I have to pick my poison. And believe you me…I am not the only chronically ill person who has to make these kinds of choices. 

Deciding to treat one illness at the expense of another is just part and parcel of being chronically ill. – Rachel Bob

I have to check the ingredients of everything I put in my body, it’s frustrating. I can’t just buy chicken noodle soup because it has ingredients in it, like onions, pepper and what not, that I can’t eat. Which means I have to make it myself. And while I have become more adept at making my own food from scratch recently due to my Keto IC diet, when you’re sick… you don’t really feel like making food because…you’re sick. Although I am fortunate enough to have my mom and Aaron who are always happy and willing to make me food I can eat.

Being sick when you are already chronically ill is like hitting the jackpot of crap.

Side note…I recently went to see my doctor for my bronchitis.  She looked at me and said you look like you’ve lost weight. she looked at my chart. But you’re the same weight as before…you’re stable. She looked up at me with a semi-quizzical gaze… you look like you’ve lost about 10 pounds. I told her about my new diet (that I cut out carbs and processed foods) and how I was trying to be more alkaline for the sake of my IC. She nodded in understanding. That’s it that. You’re less puffy…not as inflamed then.

I want to take a second to just soak that in. Less puffy. Less inflamed. 10 pounds. 

Prior to going to the doctor, I thought I might have lost some weight, but I don’t weight myself so it’s difficult to gauge if I actually did or did not lose weight. But usually, I can tell by my waistline. I lost about an inch around my waistline…which is a lot. I lost about an inch of inflammation. That’s ridiculous and fascinating. 

It brings up so many questions. Was I that inflamed because of my IC or because of my diet? Or both? Probably both. The Standard American Diet (SAD) is so acidic, so is it any wonder that so many of us have chronic illnesses nowadays. Although prior to the Keto IC diet, I was on the IC diet which was still pretty alkaline…before I was diagnosed with IC…I did eat the SAD and that’s probably what led me to where I am today…along with millions of other people. And the Standard American Diet is pretty sad…I think SAD is the perfect acronym for it. 

But just thinking about it… I look like I lost 10 pounds… when it was all just inflammation, it makes me wonder about all the people who are actively trying to lose weight and could easily lose inches if they just ate a less acidic more alkaline diets. 

Maybe my lungs are inflamed and angry right now…but at least the rest of me isn’t…score! 

 

 

image-bronchitis-is-my-least-favorite-dinosaur
image-bronchitis is my least favorite dinosaur

Raising awareness for Bronchitis my least favorite dinosaur

#bronchititisdinosaurawareness 

 

Self-care: A love story for the new year

Self-care – This was the word I chose as my one-word resolution for the new year. I resolved that I would actually and truly take care of myself this year because I need it. It’s not that I just want it..nope…I truly need it.

So here it is, one month into the new year and it seems like the right time for an update on how my self-care has been going.

I have been doing self-care stuff that I am not particularly fond of that I have mentioned before…like quitting my jobs, getting a rolly backpack, a cushion to sit on during class, the Keto IC diet, migraine glasses, alkaline water and diet, and so on. I don’t love doing all of these things, but I am doing them because they are the right thing for me and my body at this time. I make sure to take time out to rest, even though I feel like I should be doing something productive like school work…because…grad school.

So while other people out in the world might be floundering and forgetting their New Year’s resolutions right about now… I am thriving with mine. I can only hope that will continue to thrive and hold true to mine, even if I feel resistant against some of the stuff I am doing. I have to remember that I am doing it because it is best for my health at this time.

So yes… I have resigned myself to this. I have not decided if I can resign myself to this forever. I have moments where I get stubborn about it and decide to resist my inner self-care voice. For example, one huge challenge I have is the steps in Aaron‘s apartment building…they are very steep and difficult for me to go up and down. The other day I arrived and wanted to take all my stuff up, my school stuff and my sleepover bag. So I did that. Huge mistake. The whole time this was going through my mind… I can do this. I am a normal person. Normal people can carry some bags up some stairs. I used to be able to carry these bags up these stairs. I am normal. I am normal. I was about one-fourth of the way up the stairs when I came to my senses and remembered….I’m not normal. But it was too late. I had to keep going. So I decided to power through.  My second huge mistake of the day. Which at that point was the only way I was getting up the stairs because if I stopped for even a second I wouldn’t be able to get moving again.

By the time I got to the top I was beyond exhausted. And was completely ready to drop to the ground. That was not a good or wise self-care moment. Usually, I do much better than that. But there are just some times when I try to forget I am chronically ill and try to remember what it’s like to be normal Rachel again. I have to learn to let go of that. Self-care is remembering that I am not that Rachel anymore. And some self-love would be telling myself it’s okay that you aren’t that Rachel anymore, you are still Rachel. You are growing and evolving. Love yourself. Self-love is a part of self-care but it’s much harder to do.

And yes, as the title of this blog post says, this is a love story. You have to love yourself when you are doing intensive self-care. And I am learning to love myself through self-care. -Rachel Bob

It’s very difficult to love my body when it is changing in ways that I cannot comprehend. It’s difficult to love my body when it pains me daily and honestly often leaves me feeling betrayed. But part of self-care is not focusing on that too much because I can’t harp on that self-hate/dislike/whatever it is or it will just hurt me further. That’s where priorities come in.

Part of self-care is prioritizing. I have to really look at my life and my priorities and see what is important and what is excess. Anything that is excess will basically be cut from the to do list because I don’t have the energy for it. I have very limited energy and therefore I have to prioritize my life. My number one priority right now? (you might be able to guess this one) myself. And then there is grad school, my family which includes my mom, my four cats, Aaron and Reid, my support system and my blog.

It isn’t easy to take care of yourself. Anyone with a cat (dog/other pet) or a child… or in my case both… knows the struggle of being able to get some self-care time when you have all of these little people who constantly want and need your attention. When I’m at home and try to take a bath. I have no less than two cats in the bathroom with me at all times…usually they are telling me how much they need to be in the tub and that I should drain the water so they can do that. Or they are telling me how badly they need me to pet them. When I’m at Aaron’s, Reid is in constant need of attention which is to be expected because he is six years old.

But despite all the road blocks, and that is all they are…road blocks. I have to persevere and keep trying until I find success with my self-care. So when I do get to take care of myself what kind of stuff am I trying to do?

  • Remembering to breathe….2..3..4..
  • Sleep. I can’t emphasize enough how important sleep is to me (not just me), so I’ll say it again in all caps…SLEEP!!!  Sleep is the time for our bodies to rest and repair. It’s important. Getting a good 7-9 hours of sleep can be a challenge but it’s worthwhile if you’re on the self-care plan like me.
  • Taking long baths with Epsom salts and baking soda. I just bought Magnesium flakes which I haven’t used just yet but I am looking forward to trying.
  • Making time to see my friends who support me. Last semester I was so overwhelmed with school and pain that I never saw my friends and I think that was a huge mistake on my part. So now I am actively making sure to see my friends. Like my bestie, Becca…pre-grad school we hung out every Sunday. But once grad school hit we didn’t see each other for months and months. I think that only hurt my health more. So now I decided we will see each other at least every two weeks.
  • Learning how to cook for and feed myself in a healthy way that fits my needs and my diet
  • Taking a break and just resting – This can make all the difference between being in a lot of pain or being in more bearable pain.
  • Learning to tell people what I need – This is a big one. I think this is one that a lot of people with chronic illness struggle with. We don’t want to be seen as needy or a burden so we don’t tell people what we need. Or we think that by asking for something we are asking too much. Like when the lights go on and off suddenly that impacts my migraines. I get bright flashing lights in my eyes, it’s disorienting and I have trouble seeing. I have learned to ask people to let me know when they will turn the lights on and off. I didn’t used to do that because I thought it was bothersome and too much effort for the other person. I would just try to live with it, but why? It’s not that much extra work for them to be like Hey Rachel, close your eyes. Boom…done. And it saves me a lot of pain, which is always nice.

Self-care is so important for everyone, but especially those of us who are chronically ill. We need to take care of ourselves or we will not be able to function and participate in the daily life. Everything I do now is for the future. Is it hard? heck yea it is. Even with the label of self-care, it is still a challenge that I struggle with every day and sometimes I do it begrudgingly. But you know what… that’s okay. As long as I try to take care of myself …that’s all that matters.

 

it-still-holds-true-that-a-person-is-most-uniquely-human-when-he-turns-obstacles-into-opportunities-1

Chronically Grieving

It can be said that people who are chronically ill are often in a perpetual state of grief. That we are constantly grieving our losses…our health, our food, our friends, our habits, our errands…our lives as we once knew them. 

And I will just tell you right now, all of that is completely true. I feel as though I am in a constant state of grief. In an emotional upheaval that will likely never be subdued. I miss being Rachel. I miss being me. 

I am being forced to create a new identity that I am unfamiliar with. I don’t know this person. This chronically ill version of Rachel, who is but a mere shadow of my former self.” – Rachel Bob

This Rachel, who can barely walk up a flight of stairs without feeling like she will collapse from the pain. This Rachel, who tries to make sure she has everything, but if she forgets something that is just 15ft away….she views it as though there is an ocean between her and the item because for me to get up and walk that distance is often incredibly difficult and tiresome. I always think of it like viewing a mirage in the desert. I see the item, like my water bottle, and in reality its just 15-20ft away.  That’s usually when I remember the pain I will be in just getting there, and then that distance suddenly becomes a vast wasteland between me and the water bottle that I want so badly. And I see it getting farther and farther away… until it’s completely out of reach.

Who is this person? When just a few months ago I was myself. I was Rachel. The Rachel that enjoyed walking and wouldn’t mind parking at a distance because I had the privilege of being able to walk. I miss being able to walk.

People keep telling me I have such an amazing outlook on life. But do I? What makes my outlook on life so good? Because I have this blog where I can vent or because I haven’t put myself out of my misery yet? And people tell me I’m handling this so well. But I don’t feel like I’m handling any of this well. I feel as though I am struggling to keep my head above water.

There are so many changes happening at the same time that it’s hard for me to get back up again, once I’ve fallen off that darn horse. Like… I’m requesting accommodations from the Office for Students with Disabilities for my graduate classes. Accommodations as simple as being able to turn in an assignment late, not come to class or leave class early. That seems like nothing, doesn’t it? Actually, it sounds kind of awesome… all those extra benefits that most students don’t have. But I just had to jump through a bunch of paperwork hoops and admit that I’m disabled and need accommodations. Am I disabled??? And if I am…is that such a bad thing? Or am I just human? Maybe we are too hard on ourselves…specifically, maybe I am too hard on myself.

I mentioned before in a previous post that I use migraine glasses, which help reduce my migraines immensely during my classes. Which is awesome. However, they aren’t my favorite look. I had to buy a rolling backpack, which might seem like a silly thing but to me it’s admitting defeat. And think about it…A rolling backpack represents the knowledge that I can no longer carry my bag for one reason or another. I can’t because of my health. That doesn’t make me feel better about it.

Aaron bought me a gel seat cushion to use in my classes because the chairs put too much pressure on my bladder and pelvic floor. It’s really comfortable, but it’s kind of bulky. It has a convenient handle on it so I can put it over the handle of my rolling backpack and not have to carry it. It decreases my pain levels and allows me to sit through class easier. That’s good, right?  In theory…yes. But all of these little things add up… requesting accommodations, the rolling backpack, the cushion, the migraine glasses, etc… I never needed these things before. Why now? Will I always need them? I don’t know. I am doing my best to keep my head above the water. People see me making these changes for myself and assume I’m adjusting well…that my resolution of self-care is a success.

But in reality, my IC and my migraines are constantly pushing me under the tide. To be sure, my IC is my main issue right now… the physical exhaustion and extreme pain I feel because of it… is just ridiculous.

It’s hard to understand if you don’t have a chronic illness what it’s like to be grieving constantly for your health. But I think it’s safe to say we all understand grief. We all have known loss in some form or another. The loss of a loved one is one of the most difficult losses there is. On July 29, 2016, I lost the love of my life, Mikey. He was everything to me. He was 18 years old and we were together for 18 years. I was 12 years old when I met Mikey, it was love at first sight. He was and will always be the love of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I love my cats so much. But there can only be one first love and Mikey was it for me. He was there for me through thick and thin.

The grief I feel over Mikey is so heavy that I feel as though I have to wade through it daily. This is deep and personal grief that I don’t share with many people, but I feel the need to share it now because I want people to think about a loss in their life that caused them grief.

image-black-dog-mikey-head-resting-on-front-leg-ears-perked-up-and-eyes-drifting-off-to-the-side
This is my all time favorite picture of him. Image: Black chihuahua/rat terrier mix dog with head resting on his paw, one ear pointed upwards and eyes drifting off to the side.

 

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Gif of Rachel and Mikey. Rachel kissing Mikey’s smooshy face.

So why am I telling this story? Because loss impacts all of us…grief touches all of our lives at some point in time. There are different kinds of grief, different levels of grief. There is the Kübler-Ross model, that lists out the five stages of grief.

  • Denial
  • Anger
  • Bargaining
  • Depression
  • Acceptance

Each of these stages of grief is fluid, there is no set time frame for them to happen. Nor is there any set order they should happen in. You can go back and forth between any and all of them. There is no right or wrong way to grieve a loss. So when I think about grieving my health, does this model apply? Yep.

I can tell you right now I did not start this journey with denial. Oddly enough, when I was first diagnosed with IC, I started with acceptance because I thought I could control my IC. I thought I could have it beat in less than a year, which of course is incredibly unrealistic…which I know now. But because at the time I knew nothing about the reality of IC, all I could do was accept it and try to do the best I could. I am no longer in acceptance. I left acceptance awhile ago. I fluctuate mostly between anger, depression, and bargaining.

And yet I feel guilty for feeling this way. But why? Well, because my whole life has just been flipped upside down. I’ve had to quit my passion, which was working with DeafBlind people. Just imagine the thing you are most passionate about in the world. The thing you dedicated your life to… you found it and you have immersed yourself in it completely. This was my life…and now…it’s not. It truly breaks my heart.

How can I not grieve???

My life…that I so carefully cultivated and grew… that took me years and years to find my path. I was so lost when I was younger. I only knew that I was meant to help people, that I was meant to change lives. When I found DeafBlind work… it was kismet, bashert, meant to be, fate. It was everything I ever wanted a job to be… hands on and working one on one with people who I care about. I dedicated my life’s work to this. And now??? Sure I might be able to do some work with DeafBlind people here and there in the future if/when I am in remission. But I can’t get my hopes up just yet.

“When I think of remission… I think of a soap bubble. It’s not only beautiful and amazing, but it’s fragile and easily destroyed.” -Rachel Bob

And when people who are chronically ill have the hope of remission in the palm of their hands or floating just above them… the hope drives their every behavior and motivation. The thought of remission is what makes me continue the Keto IC diet, even though it is really hard and I just want a sugary delicious cupcake so badly. The thought of remission keeps me going when I have to swallow my pride and use a rolly backpack, a cushion, migraine glasses, etc… Even though I keep the hope of remission, the grief is still there. The grief does not just disappear.

But what we all need to remember is … that’s okay. We are allowed to grieve our losses as long as we need to.

 

Be on the look out tomorrow for a more uplifting post about chronic humor.