My 2018 resolution was to pick a word and incorporate that word into my life. I like the idea of incorporating a word into my life that I wanted to practice or embody in the new year. The word that I chose for 2018 was self -care. I chose self-care because as a chronically ill person I feel that it is important for me to take care of myself, meaning set time aside to rest, consciously do things that I normally wouldn’t… like rest.
For example, early on in graduate school, I would do school work long into the night…exhausting myself and quickly burning myself out. But through self-care, I realized that was unnecessary and unhealthy for me, so I established a rule: no school work after 9pm. And it was a beautiful rule that enabled me to know there was an end in sight. At 9pm, I would stop and I could do anything I wanted, watch tv, read a book or go to sleep… just not school work.
If you haven’t guessed it already my word for this year is: courage
Courage (noun) cour-age \ker-ij :mental or moral strength to venture persevere, and withstand danger, fear, or difficulty. Synonyms: bravery, daring, courageousness
This is an anxiety-filled challenging year. And ya’ll I just gotta tell ya… I’m kinda shaking in mah boots. It’s a big year. First I have my full-time internship which is 32 hours a week (4 days a week) until May. This internship is a big one. It’s at a psychiatric hospital an hour away from where I live and it’s not only super important but incredibly challenging. The patient’s in the hospital were sentenced there by the court system after they were found unable to withstand being in the prison system do to being mentally incompetent. If you have been reading my blog for awhile you know my last internship was at a reentry organization where I worked with recently released inmates and went to the DC Jail on a weekly basis. So this internship is exciting and challenging. I started it on January 3rd…so far so good. I can talk more about it later.
Dealing with stress in any form can be impactful on chronic illnesses. As many people with chronic illnesses know…big life changes bring about big health problems. Do I worry that this might happen? Sure. Going into this new internship is exciting and stressful and it has caused a lot of migraines just from changing my sleep schedule.
After then I graduate. And I will be done with school for a while (until I decide to go for my Ph.D.). I have been a professional student for … well… forever. I love school. I’m not too cool for school as the kids say. I’m too school for cool.
This will be the first graduation that I actually walk the stage for. I figure…well I didn’t walk for high school, when I graduated the interpreter program or when I got my BA in Deaf Studies from Gallaudet. But I am getting my MSW (Master of Social Work) from Gallaudet, so I might as well walk…even though I really don’t want to…it’s not something I’m interested in. It’s very stressful for me as a very introverted person. Also, I’ve been to graduations and just going causes me a lot of pain. By the end of it, I always feel worn out, exhausted, in an excessive amount of pain and have a migraine. So as a chronically ill person, it’s a lot for me too.
But I was also threatened by my friend, Shelby (yea I’m calling you out)…. she said I have to walk or else. Or else what? Not sure. Didn’t ask. But let’s gather up the courage to do something I’ve never done before and walk that darn stage, right?! Here’s hoping I don’t trip and fall… Oy!
And then… getting a job? I’ve already begun the process of looking. But I’ve never had a full-time job. I’ve worked multiple part-time and/or freelance jobs most of my adult life. Until grad school, when it became too much for my health. I don’t doubt I’ll find a job, that’s not the issue. I’m more just worried about what it will do to my health. But maybe having a steady job will be good for me instead of the erratic schedule and heavy workload of grad school. Only time will tell.
I also have a few other upcoming things that I will need courage for, but I’ll be explaining that in my next blog post.
I believe that manifesting and mediating on courage each day will help me get through this year of unknowns. We can never know where life will take us but we can try to be courageous and brave while we are along for the ride!
Do you have a new years resolution? Or a word you want to reflect for your new year?
Here’s to a courageous 2019!