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Too school for cool whilst chronically ill on my birthday

Okay, so it’s back to school time for me. I am going into my second semester of graduate school in the Social Work program at Gallaudet University in DC. This should prove to be an interesting semester. I will be taking three classes: Quantitative Research (online), Human Behavior in the Social Environment II and Forensic Social Work ( Forensic SW will be at George Mason University through the consortium of DC schools)

One lame thing is that my first class is on January 18th which is also my 31st birthday. thumbs down…lameeee.

As the weeks of my winter break have steadily crept by, I have rested as much as I was able to. Although during the holidays rest was not really an option. So I have tried my best to get rest since the new year. Going to physical therapy wasn’t exactly restful either. But as I sit here printing out my 30-40 page syllabi, I have realized that I am really not ready to go back to school. Graduate classes are challenging and I just have this flash in my mind of what my first semester was like…how completely overwhelming it was. And I am a good student. I love school. I have always loved school.

When I was a kid, if I got sick I would fake being well so I could go to school instead of having to stay home sick. I was that kid. Not like most people knew kids like that. But that was me. So that should give you an idea of what kind of nerd you’re dealing with here. #tooschoolforcool #nerdyandproud 

 

image-picture-of-rachel-as-a-child-approx-age-7-wearing-a-tshirt-with-ily-hand-on-it-and-smiling-big-with-no-front-teeth
Image: Rachel, age 7, smiling and laughing. Missing two front teeth and wearing a shirt with the Sign Language I love you hand on it.

My first semester of grad school, while my health was degrading fast..my pain levels were off the charts… migraine for over a month, pelvic floor muscles tightened up so I couldn’t pee and so much more pain. I had to stop working and volunteering but I still managed to get a 3.9 GPA. I am still a smidge bitter that it’s not a 4.0, but I know it’s because of my health.

All of that aside… I am really just worried how the semester will play out with my health. It should be considerably easier now that I don’t have a job. I am in the process of applying for SSDI (disability) so that I might have some form of income. Which does not thrill me but I should probably have money coming in sometimes. I also worry about my new Keto IC diet, how easy/hard will it be to keep up withimage-purple-lunch-box-with-large-teal-polka-dots after I begin going to classes.  Granted, I have one online class, one at Gallaudet’s campus and one at George Mason’s campus so I won’t be on campus too much. And so I just bought a cute new lunch box to help motivate me to make my lunch and snacks.  With such a restricted diet, it is very important for me to have food with me at all times in case I get hungry and need to eat. Nothing like teal polka dots to motivate me to make my lunch daily.

 

People with chronic illness often need to think about food. They often have restricted diets, elimination diets, food allergies and more. There’s always something we can’t eat. With my IC diet, I have a list a mile long of stuff I shouldn’t eat. This list which is published by the Interstitial Cystitis Association (ICA) breaks it down into three categories: Bladder friendly, Try it and Caution. It’s a comprehensive list that every IC warrior should take into consideration when changing their diet. And now with Keto added on, I am even more restricted, but that’s okay. It’s a challenge that will be worth it for my health. hopefully.

There is even a migraine diet. A lot of the triggers for migraines are the same triggers for IC. I suspect these triggers are common for many chronic illnesses. Because they are foods that aren’t necessarily nourishing to our bodies.

For a chronically ill person to truly heal…we need to nourish our mind and body. 

Truly going back to school is exciting. I have always loved it. I love buying school supplies. Highlighters, pens, journals and so on. But this time around just feels different. I am worried about my health. I am mourning the loss of my jobs and volunteer work. I am mourning my food losses too. And the fact that the first day of my semester starts on my 31st birthday… doesn’t help. *grumble grumble*

Being chronically ill during celebratory times is difficult. Heck… being chronically ill during non-celebratory times is hard. But when there’s holidays, anniversaries, birthdays… it makes us feel even worse. Because often times we are not up to participating because we are in pain or don’t feel good. Maybe we have difficulty walking, like myself. My ability to walk more than 5 minutes has been compromised and I need to build up my stamina and tolerance.  Nothing makes you feel worse than knowing you should be celebrating something, like my birthday or our recent one year anniversary, but not having the ability to really do anything to celebrate. That’s a hugely terrible feeling. It’s easy for us to fall into a chronically ill state of mind where we think that it’s just easier for us to do nothing and celebrate nothing because what’s the point? The people around us might not know what to do for us and maybe unsure if they should do anything for us at all.

Don’t do nothing. I will repeat: Don’t do nothing! 

Doing nothing is a slap in the face to your chronically ill loved one. Maybe your chronically ill loved one said they want a low key celebration. Okay, that’s fine. What’s their favorite food and dessert? Just have a small intimate dinner with the two of you or the family. Buy them a card. Get them a gift certificate or a gift you know they will love.  Google gifts for chronically ill people. You would be surprised at the amazing gift ideas that come up. There’s something for everyone. Everyone… and I mean everyone… no matter what kind of pain they are in or what kind of illness they have, deserves to have some celebratory moments now and then. We need them to survive the pain of the every day.

I want to have an amazing birthday because… I am alive and I’m only 31 years old.

But I will make the most of it. I celebrated my birthday with Becca yesterday. And there will be further celebrations this week. I will keep my spirits high and hope that this semester will be better than the last. I have high healing hopes. 

 

image-happy-birthday-to-me
Happy Birthday to me

 

 

 

 

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